TV stations across the world yesterday broadcast the attempts of the renowned psychic to create fruit juice from nothing more than water and concentration...

Major Charity to Donate 1% of All Income to Charity

The Breast Cancer Appeal announces that, in today's globalised world, it it has come to understand its responsibility to contribute to an improved quality of life in the communities it operates in, and that it has therefore decided to give 1% of all revenue to good causes. Privately, it is hoped that this move will improve the lagging charity's brand image...

Peter Mandelson commits suicide - Re-appointed to the cabinet as Blair's 'Minister for Hell'.

Peter Mandelson's bloody suicide last Tuesday left him in no position to request entry into heaven, having committed a deadly sin. That, and the public sympathy that he gained from slitting his wrists, made him the obvious choice for the new position of 'Minister for Hell' in Blair's cabinet.

Man thrilled by revelations that allow him to understand What Goths Want - now able to better please goths.

A man from Devon claimed yesterday to now be able to hear the thoughts of Goths, finally helping him understand just what the fuck it is they want, following an incredible revalatory experience, Sunday...

On this day in...

1908

Henry Fuck announces revolutionary new technique for the mass proliferation of the word fuck - will become noun, adjective, verb

Henry Ford yesterday announced that he had developed a pioneering concept that would allow the word fuck to be used as much more than just the tool of the grammatically capable upper class...

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