Henry Fuck announces revolutionary new technique for the mass proliferation of the word fuck - will become noun, adjective, verb

Henry Ford yesterday announced that he had developed a pioneering concept that would allow the word fuck to be used as much more than just the tool of the grammatically capable upper class. His grand plan will see usage of the world fuck expand 2000-fold over the next century, as it becomes available to more and more people with increasingly modest grammatical means.

Ford said: 'One day I want the word fuck to be an integral part of a person's everyday language. In fact, I want it to be difficult for them to comprehend going through a day without it. Going to the shops without saying fuck should become a thing of the past'.

He went on:'At the moment, there exists in the world an extremely unfair situation whereby the rich can afford to be educated to the extent that they become coherent. The poor, on the other hand, find themselves totally unable to express themselves. The word fuck will provide a medium through which they will be able to say everything that the rich man says, if perhaps not with quite as much style'.

The American Swearwords Association reacted angrily to the news, claiming that the reputation of the word, and swearwords in general, will be tarnished by Mr Fuck's decision to create a swearword that is easy to use and therefore accessible to all:

'There will simply no longer be any status involved in using the word fuck in polite society anymore', said one, who wished to remain anomous.'Indeed, we could well come to a point where it is deemed positively embarassing to use the word, or for that matter any swear word at all.

The Shit family however promised that it would not be altering the usage of its word, claiming that this would 'dilute the quality and impact associated with the gramatically correct use of the word shit in conversation'. Analysts, however, predict that the brand will eventually be forced to move towards mass usage of the word.

At least the Shit family are blessed with a brand that is flexible enough to change into a noun, adjective, verb, pronoun, subject, etc. The move by Mr Fuck has on the other hand totally wrong footed Jane Cunt, who, in a brand-centric world, has capital that is totally unsuitable for usage on a wider scale. The perculiar characteristics of the word cunt meaning that in any other sense than its original one, it sounds utterly unthreatening.

Mr Fuck also has plans to export the word to other countries in his bid for fuck to become the world's most widely uttered word by the end of the century

copyright 2002 all names used satirically under fair uses act 1998

BACK TO HOMEPAGE